Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
