I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
