I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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