You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
