I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
