The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
