She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
