I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
