soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
