i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
