I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
