just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
