Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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