Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
