Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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