I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
