from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
