Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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