So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
