So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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