i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm experimenting with sincerity
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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