So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
