I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
