Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
