Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
