so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize