you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
