Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize