Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Your penis caused this!
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