she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
