I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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