I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
there is glitter all over my balls
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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