Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize