dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
