Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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