i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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