Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
