Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
