I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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