sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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