Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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