Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She's the barista slut.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
