I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
