He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
