All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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