You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
