I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
