my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
