i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
