my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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