Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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