i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
