You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
