he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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