And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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