well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
