whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize