You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
