Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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