we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
