I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize