Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
