Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
